Shark Infested Waters: Lawyers, the only people with a state issued license to screw you!

HOW NOT TO LIVE RULE #14: Lawyers, the only people with a state issued license to literally screw people out of their money.

Finally I had graduated from college with an actual degree, for some reason I decided to major in Political Science, to this day I really don’t have the vaguest idea on why the hell I chose that for my major. Maybe it was simply because all I really cared about was starting something and finishing it, that being college, and I actually did finish, but unfortunately for me I graduated with what to me still resembles an utterly useless piece of paper that merely says “congrats son you actually made it, but why the hell did you major in Political Science”. I have no rational idea why, I hate political science, I am an independent anyway. I finally finished college, I figured by now I should know what it is I want to do with my life, but I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what the answer to that question was, for the next three years I would continue to aimlessly drift from job to job as I tried to figure out what it was I was actually placed on this earth to do, hopefully not bartend for the rest of eternity.

After I lost my father for some reason I could never find the drive or motivation to even attempt to approach the automotive industry again, so in my eyes that was simply out of the question. With each and every passing day I just hoped eventually I would find the answer to the question concerning what I would actually do with my life, or rather, hopefully the answer would one day find me like it had already found so many of my friends, only time would tell. I finished college and was in charge of handling the affairs concerning my late father’s estate. I was the executor to his estate and this would prove to be one hell of a thing for a young man who had just finally decided to aimlessly throw himself out into the real world to do. My mom and brothers were counting on me so I was determined to stick it out for the family and hopefully, one day finish this task.

Unfortunately for me there would be plenty of society’s finest blood sucking, crooked, morally immune lawyer’s who had been paid to supposedly help make this process go somewhat smooth, but for some reason they had decided to go rogue and bend me over and screw me throughout this entire tragic situation, “thanks lawyers, glad to know our founding fathers set this great country up so highly educated people like you can step in and rape good trusting people when they have no choice but to turn to you for help after experiencing a horrible tragedy, thumbs up to you cock suckers!”

After my father had passed away I found out he had multiple life insurance policies set up to make sure his family was taken care of in case he one day was no longer with us to do so himself. Unfortunately for me, now the man who I thought would one day stand by my side and watch me go out and conquer the world just as he had done was gone. It was time for me to step up and learn some hard lessons about the true nature of people. So I went and met with his trust attorney to see how I should go about handling his life insurance policies. My father had already paid this woman roughly $10,000 eight years prior when he first decided it was necessary to create his last will and testament, when he first discovered he had cancer. Now it was finally suppose to be the part where she steps up and completes her part of the deal by actually being a trust attorney, it was her turn to work for the payment she had already received for her future services in return. It turns out she had a totally different idea of what it was she was going to actually do when push came to shove, and that was screw a good man over after he was not around anymore!

This was all foreign territory for me, and I was in shark infested waters, the sharks were lawyers and from the very second they saw me they could smell blood. So I walked into the office of the attorney my dad had paid, and blindly trusted to handle his last will and testament, which is some very heavy sh!t, and asked for her council on how to go about taking care of my father’s life insurance policies. I thought for sure she could help me properly handle this dilemma, and hopefully afterwards my family would receive the payout from my father’s insurance, and we could focus on moving forward with our lives right, wrong! Hell no she couldn’t help me, my father hadn’t paid her $10,000 to do anything, like, let’s say, actual real lawyer work for me, he had paid her to take a vacation because that witch took the $10000.00 my father gave her, abandoned her practice, flew the coup. Now, here I am three years later working with a new trust attorney, much more knowledgeable now about lawyers and there tactics along with all there outrageous hidden charges. Three years after my father's death I am still handling the horrible mess she left my father’s estate in.

I had to scour my city to find another trust attorney who hopefully wouldn’t try to gauge out my eyes and mercilessly rape my wallet to handle the horrible mess caused when I found out this wicked woman had abandoned her practice and had not done a god damn thing that she had been paid to do. I did find a legit trust attorney after looking under every rock in my town for a few weeks, unfortunately for me it would cost another $7500.00 out of my late father’s estate to hire her and then some, these shiesty basterds charge $50 a pop just for me to read there pointless, irrelevant emails. I feel like whenever they need a $50 spot they send you an email, knowing each time they do my dumb @ss will open it without thinking about the financial consequences and boom! I just made my attorney $50, god damn them, if only I was psychic I wouldn‘t have to deal with this crap.

The woman who was suppose to handle my father’s trust, and decided never to do so also made it possible for me quickly, and mercilessly to be crudely and belligerently molested by another one of our cities finest lawyers who was working at one of the most well respected law firms in my fine town before I even had a chance to frantically turn around and give someone the fish eye after finding out they had just painfully decided to change my oil. Since my trust attorney simply could not do anything for me as far as helping to handle my father’s life insurance policies, or helping me to handle anything concerning his estate for that matter, she had decided to recommend a lawyer she knew to me, who just happened to be working at one of our town’s very best, and most highly respected law firms. She told me how he use to actually represent these massive companies that handle life insurance claims, and how he was the man I needed to go see, so that witch gave me one of his cards jumped on her wooden broom and poof! She was gone, never to return again.

Aftr I left her office I quickly made my way to my car. I was a man on a mission, and that mission was to do everything possible, and use whatever resource necessary to handle my late father’s affairs just as I promised my family I would do when I assumed the responsibility of being the Executor to my father’s estate. If only I would of known then that these money hungry vultures saw me as nothing more than a mortally wounded animal, and were simply circling overhead waiting for me to finally give in to the harsh realities of life so they could swoop in, and financially rip me into a million pieces, just as they had done to so many other poor individuals who had benignly suffered merciless at their hands before me. Before I knew it I had found this grand law firm's head quarters and made my way inside to meet this supposedly suave attorney who would be the answer to all my problems. Suave he was, answer to my problems, “yeah f*&^ing right” more like opening Pandora’s box!

I quickly would discover why so many movies had chastised lawyers, and why they were the punt of so many crude and vulgar jokes, it is because there is a select few of them that are nothing more than heartless, money hungry evil basterds that make society want to devour their entire species, and rid the human race once and for all of these horrible beings all together. To this day I firmly believe Hitler himself must have been a lawyer. Oh yeah, they are your best friend when they know you know you are basically stuck up shit creek, if life has you in a hurt lock they will smile and tell you everything you want to hear, before you know it you are writing them an enormous check that says:

HONEST HARD WORKING PERSON ..............................CHECK#503

Total Amount Due:    MY SOUL …….(AND FIRST BORN CHILD.00)

Pay to the Order of:   Blood Sucking Lawyer…………………………

Signed: ………………………………..................................My Dumb A$$

ROUTING#JESUS IS ACCOUNT#AWESOME……………………….........

So I met this man, he quickly shook my hand and brought me into his office and sat me down. I explained my situation to him, and his eyeballs must of just looked at me and turned into dollar bill signs, cha ching! I was in his office, and he knew I had no clue as to how these companies truly worked concerning my father’s life insurance policies, so he began telling me everything I needed to hear in order for me to believe that I, in fact was in severe need of his services to handle this situation, because if I were to make even the slightest mistake my family might end up with nothing. He told me how he use to work for these huge companies and if they detected even the slightest discrepancy they would prevent any form of payout on the policy and that with all their money and lawyers they could tie up the whole process in court for years to come, how would my family feel if that happened. I was under an enormous amount of pressure and he explained how someone such as myself should not have to bear that burden, besides I had all sorts of other issues concerning my father’s estate that required my attention, I was only 24 years old and just experienced something awful, he promised he would not let me down.

This devil tongued man had the Evil Eye “But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness” (Matthew 6:23), I was just to blind to see that. He explained to me how he would be able to get me the payouts for every one of my father’s life insurance policies in the blink of an eye without a single problem and all for a minimal fee for his services. I thought to myself “Wow, thank god I decided to actually come meet this guy, crap from what he has told me I would have been lost without him, and more than likely I would of really shit a cactus after I found out I had defiled any chance at recovering any money at all from my father’s life insurance policies”, so I decided I would take his offer and let him handle the claims for my father’s life insurance policies.

I was a normal decent person, so I actually believed this man. I never in a million years suspected that he would be capable of doing anything like, let’s say, pay himself $100,000.00 from my father’s life insurance policies as soon as he was able to get the money from the claims, then jump ship as well and disappear into the night sky a wealthy man. What kind of horrible person would do that to a 24 year old young man with a huge burden on his shoulders, who just lost his father and simply is trying to find a decent person who is willing to help him and not screw him over? This man would never be capable of doing something so horribly fowl, something so repulsively sinister, or so I thought, but he just had to prove me wrong because that is exactly what he did. $100,000.00 in one month, and for what? I mean for the love of God, this man screwed me, my father, and my whole family, then disappeared from the law firm he was practicing at only for them to tell me that although his office was in their building he, himself was never actually a part of their firm, and they were in no way liable for his actions.

As soon as his lips stopped flapping and he finally stopped speaking I felt that all too familiar utter horror throughout my entire body. I was in disbelief at this cock-suckers response, so I said something along these lines to him “excuse me Mr. Big Shot Lawyer but your sign out front has your firms name on it so why would you let this ridiculous looney tune practice law here, now that he has robbed me I actually checked him out and the Florida Bar wants his balls on a platter for doing horrible crap like this to all sorts of good people”. He just responded to me by saying “like I said he was never in any way connected to our firm Dip Sh!t and Jack Off, and we are in no way liable for any damages caused by his actions”. “Good god man!” Following this I just went numb. All I could possibly think was “huh, what, screw all of you crooked, devil worshipping evil people, how can you even wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror and not hate what you see with such an utter passion that without hesitation you decide to do society a favor, instantly smash that mirror pick up a nice sharp shard of glass from what is left of it, slit your own throat and let yourself bleed out, knowing that by doing this you are saving a lot of good people the utter horror they would one day feel when they realized that they had ruined their life by trusting people like you to help them when no one else could.”

As the representative for my father’s estate, lawyers taught me an invaluable lesson, one I learned the hardest way possible, just because you walk into their expensive office and notice all their lavish furniture and numerous diplomas, achievement awards, and different forms of certifications framed and hanging seemingly from every angle of their office’s walls, that does not say crap about their morals, or integrity, "Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools" (Romans 1:22). In fact you have to be very weary if ever you have no other choice but to seek legal assistance, because if you are not carefull you might find yourself a lawyer who has decided to walk the path created by idolatry, corruption, and the wrongdoing instigated by his black heart, who long ago turned away from anything that even closely resembles purity, and is very practiced at creating injustice in this world by using his thirst for lust to live a dammed life, a life with no moral control.

I was merely trying to stand and be strong for the people around me and two lawyers, people I thought would help me try and make things better again brought me to my knees, I was alone, betrayed by my own thoughts, starring at the clouds above me wishing my father could help me, in more pain than ever wondering what had just happened. Lawyers, the only people with a state issued license to literally screw people out of their money.